Oh No!
This is supposedly an exact replica of a letter a daughter wrote to her parents
from college:
Dear Mom and Dad,
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in
writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written
before. I will bring you up to date now, but, before you read on, please sit
down.
YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN, OKAY? Well then, I
am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture, and the concussion I got
when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly
after my arrival, are pretty well healed
now. Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump, were witnessed by an
attendant at the gas station near the dorm. He was the one who called the fire
department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital, and since I
had nowhere to live because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to
invite me to share his apartment with him and his three buddies. It's really a
basement room, but it's kind of cute.
He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be
married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy
begins to show. Yes, Mom and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking
forward to being grandparents! I know you will welcome the baby and give it the
love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for
the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has
some minor infection which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests,
and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin
injections I am having daily. I know you will welcome him into our family with
open arms. He is kind and, although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although
he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your often expressed
tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is
different than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background
is good, too, for I am told that his father is an important weapons
dealer in the village in Africa from which he came.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no
dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in
the hospital, I am not pregnant and I am not engaged. I do not have syphilis and
there is no man (of any color) in my life. However, I got a 'D' in History and
an 'F' in Science, and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper
perspective.
Your Loving Daughter,
Susan
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