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A Blessed Confidence
Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?
Isaiah 2:22 NIV
When Jesus began His ministry, He performed miracles that caused many to believe on Him. But the Bible says even though the people were praising Him, Jesus didn’t commit Himself to them, for He knew what was in man.[1]
People are fickle. In a short moment a friend can become a foe. In Jesus’ life, one day the masses were shouting, “Hosanna, blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord,” and a few short days later, the same crowd was crying, “Crucify Him!”
We cannot make people into our confidence. There are indeed loyal friends and faithful spouses; however, even a true companion does not have the capacity to bear the burden of our happiness. It’s unjust to put the weight of your emotional health on the shoulders of another. It’s also a recipe for your own disaster.
People aren’t perfect and they will let you down. You will also let them down. Each of us views the world from our own perspective and what makes me happy may not make my wife or friends happy. Add to that, if I am burdening those around me with the demands of my own perceived needs, I am also driving love out of those relationships.
Human nature falsely identifies love as a relationship that meets the individual’s perceived needs. I’m using the term ‘perceived needs’ because many times what we think is a need, or what we think will provide fulfillment, is based on our perception at the moment. Perceived needs often drive people to seek fulfillment in ways that may or may not be healthy. What is a perceived need today may not be something we value tomorrow.
When we look at relationships based on what will make us happy, we aren’t truly seeking love, but self. Selfish motives are often misinterpreted as love, but love is much deeper and stronger than self-serving motives. Let’s take a moment to consider the meaning of love. We’ll turn to the scriptures for a perfect definition. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I want to zero in on the core of love found in verse 5 – “Love does not seek its own.” I listened to a young woman explain why she loved her fiancé, “I love him because he makes me happy.”
True love is outward focused, not inward focused. What happens when he doesn’t make you happy? What happens when the beauty fades from the youth of the bride? What happens when the strong, handsome man becomes balding and middle-aged? There is a selfish love and there is a true (or Agape) love. Self-love seeks its own, but true love seeks to give to another.
When I am dependent upon my spouse for happiness, my love becomes dependent upon her ability to meet my perceived needs. When she is dependent upon me, her love is dependent upon what I can do for her. Self-love eventually becomes two people taking from each other, and then resenting one another when needs are not met. True love does not seek its own, but seeks the good of another person.
When both sides understand true God-given love, it becomes two people giving to each other and finding fulfillment through benefiting the other.
When giving love is the focus, love endures all things, is not provoked into resentment, and doesn’t rejoice in iniquity. True love will never rejoice in doing something to avenge a wrong on the other person. That can be active aggression, or passive aggression. Passive aggression is doing or saying little things we know will hurt the other in small ways, while pretending not to be the aggressor. Any time I am giving into the desire to retaliate in any way, I have stepped outside of love.
God has given us the checks and balances to examine our lives to see if we are truly walking in love. Let’s again be reminded of this book’s overarching passage – God has given us power, love, and a sound mind. Love comes from the Lord and as we submit to His word, we discover how to walk in the outpouring of His love.
There’s an important truth often overlooked and most people never learn about relationships. I believe this passage from Jeremiah 17:5-6 explains it well:
5 Thus says the LORD: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength, Whose heart departs from the LORD.
6 For he shall be like a shrub in the desert, And shall not see when good comes, But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, In a salt land which is not inhabited.
Let’s pause before going on and reflect on what is being said. Relationships can be a curse if we put our trust in a person or group of people. My trust may also be in my own abilities or possessions. This is what is meant by making flesh our strength. Mankind is not our provider. Even if there is a dependence upon another person, it is still God’s provision. My job is the means by which God blesses me to take care of the physical needs of my family. Though the channel by which our financial needs are met may be through my employer, the employer is not my provider. Employers can turn against us at any time. Corporations have layoffs, churches ask pastors to leave, the economy sours and companies go under. What happens when I lose employment? Consider the words of Matthew 6:25-26
25 ” Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
26 “Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
Who meets our needs? We’ll see this clearly when we look at the rest of Jeremiah’s declaration. For now, it’s important to understand that when we look to any other source than God for our strength (be that financial, emotional, or spiritual strength), we are already under the curse. Why? The flesh is corrupted and falls short of God’s plan.
Every person struggles with flesh and the corruption of sin. Sin is the curse. The curse came by sin. Anything corrupted by the curse of sin is a curse to any who place their hope in it. People are imperfect. We all have the flesh and we all see the world through selfish eyes. We strive to overcome our selfish nature, but we still filter everything through our own flawed perspective.
The one who puts their hope in people is putting their hope in the flesh. Their heart departs from the Lord because they are looking to something other than the Lord for their trust. Where your eyes are looking, your life will follow. Try walking straight while looking to the side. Your direction will drift to where you are looking. When another person is your hope, your life will follow that person and when they let you down, it will shake you. Depending on the circumstances, it could shatter you. If they drift off course (which we all do from time to time), any who follow will drift with them.
When you are dependent upon people or circumstances, you will not see the good when it comes. Think about that statement for a moment. Why would we not see when good comes? What happens when someone irritates us? Or fails to do what we think needs to be done? When we are frustrated, what do we think about? All of our focus zeroes in on what bothers us and we cannot see anything but the source of our frustration. If you have a hundred good things in your life, and one thing frustrates you, which do you focus on? The hundred good things, or the one bad thing?
When someone we are dependent upon for our emotional health fails us, what state does that leave us in? If you love someone because they made you happy, but now that person fails to do so, what happens to your love? It becomes disappointment, then frustration, anger, and finally bitterness or even hatred.
The truth is, many people are in love with happiness, and the heart of their relationship revolves around self-love. Have you witnessed a bitter divorce? How do two lovebirds become mortal enemies? Sometimes marriages fall apart suddenly. People seem to be getting along one moment, and then at war the next. The truth is, the foundation has been eroding for some time, and when the walls begin to fall, the whole marriage collapses quickly.
A bitter spouse cannot see good. A bitter person cannot see good. They are like a shrub in the desert and cannot see good, even when it comes into their presence. The reason they cannot see good is because they can only see what disappoints. And it all begins with placing our hope into a person who has no more ability to make us happy than we do ourselves. It’s unfair for me to make my happiness dependent upon my wife’s abilities. This is selfish, destructive, and gives her a burden she cannot carry for long. If I can’t make myself happy, how can I expect someone else to do this for me? If my spouse can’t be happy in the Lord, I have no power to overcome this shortfall either.
The reality of life is if I’m looking at people for my satisfaction, it puts me into the desert. I will not be satisfied through people. Human nature cannot rise to the level of perfection needed to sustain happiness. When people fail me, if they are my hope, I will only see what’s lacking and cannot see the good around me. Or the good in that person.
The picture the Bible gives is that of a dry shrub in a salted desert. This vivid illustration paints an accurate picture of a bitter heart. Nothing good can satisfy the bitter heart and it won’t recognize good when it comes. But the opposite is true for the blessed heart. Let’s continue beyond God’s warning in Jeremiah 17 and see the promise.
7 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, And whose hope is the LORD.
8 For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit.
9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?
10 I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give every man according to his ways, According to the fruit of his doings.
Is there a greater picture of true satisfaction? Years ago we had a severe drought where I live. It didn’t rain for a couple of months, and the hot summer heat parched what little moisture was left in the ground. I took a walk in a national park and saw the dry trees shedding their leaves. It looked like winter. Nothing was green and nothing looked alive. It was a pitiful sight.
As I walked, I descended a hill where a stream was. The stream was still flowing with water and the trees around it were teeming with life. Not only were they unaffected by the drought, they were unaware there was a drought. This is the picture God is painting in Jeremiah.
The one whose hope is in the Lord will never be barren in their soul, nor will fear the year of drought. The word in verse 8 which says ‘fear’ is the Hebrew word, ‘ra’ah’, which means to see, perceive, or consider. Literally, this promise of God is saying we will not perceive the drought when it comes because we are planted by God’s river.
The truth God is communicating is that life is full of hard times, difficulties, and things that challenge the world around us. Anyone not planted by the waters of God’s providing hand will dry up. Those dependent upon circumstances and people will be frustrated, disappointed, and likely will become bitter. However, those whose hope is in the Lord will not be in the desert, will not experience the drought, and will not wither from the dry heat of life.
Do you see the incredible promise of God? Even in the most difficult circumstances, you cannot only survive, but will flourish, be fruitful, and unaffected by life’s scorching heat. Your friends will fail you, but God sustains. Your spouse will disappoint you, but God fulfills. The Lord is your provider and He is your trust. If you trust in the flesh (other people or circumstances), you’ll miss the good even when it comes. If your trust and hope is in the Lord, you will flourish and be fruitful, even when people fall short, disappoint you, and even when they turn against you.
Our hope becomes either a blessing or a curse. When we trust in something that is prone to failure, our expectations fail with it. But when we trust in the Lord, who never fails, our hope is always sustained, for the Lord upholds us with His hand.
The things of this life are either eternal or temporal. Anything temporal is rooted in the flesh, but the eternal is grounded in the Lord. Trusting in the flesh is to put our hope in money, careers, or any person or circumstance.
When life is viewed through the eyes of the flesh, it often isn’t fair. People wrong one another and often get away with it. I recently read a book about a family who faithfully served the Lord[2]. A politically powerful man in their small town decided the pastor had to go. The persecution the family endured was almost unbelievable. Through it all, the family remained faithful to God and taught their children not to harbor bitterness, but to pray for and forgive their persecutors. Even when the persecution grew into violence, this godly family refused to retaliate, but constantly reminded the young children to forgive and trust the Lord.
I expected to see a miracle of God to intervene to stop the persecution, but the persecutor finally won his battle to drive the family out of the town. The family had given refuge to a woman fleeing her violent husband. Seeing an opportunity, the pastor’s enemy helped the husband to become intoxicated, worked him up emotionally, gave him a gun, and sent him into the home with the intent to kill. The pastor and his wife were shot and she died at the scene.
When I read this I was stunned. Why didn’t God stop the persecutors? The man who pulled the trigger got a long prison sentence, but the one who tormented the pastor’s family for years and orchestrated the attack received only one year in prison. What a horrible injustice! Because he was politically connected, the man who rejoiced while the ambulances took away a shattered family received a mere slap on the wrist. But then something happened.
The man emerged from prison after one year a changed person. He then made it his life’s ambition to do good to the remaining family members and asked their forgiveness. In prison, someone shared the gospel, and he finally understood the message, and surrendered his life to Christ.
Humanly speaking, we want God to miraculously strike down the wicked who seeks to destroy the righteous. There are times when this does happen, but not always. Often God asks His children to endure persecution and not to love their lives in this world. A godly man and woman made it their life’s mission to do good to many (including to their persecutor) but ended up losing everything. Yet, during the years of persecution, they prayed for God to change the heart of the man who hated them.
Which is the greater miracle? Striking down the wicked, or changing the unchangeable? A man who paced back and forth in front of their house for years, ranting in the early morning hours and shaking his fist at the godly family who lived there, was changed by the love he saw. A love he thought he hated.
Now let’s compare the temporal to the eternal. Was it fair that God allowed a faithful family to suffer so much? Was it fair for two children to lose the mother they loved and see their father destroyed by the ungodly? If we look at this situation through the scope of our 70-year life on earth, this is a horrible tragedy and a grievous injustice. What kind of a loving God would allow the innocent to be destroyed by the wicked? In the 70-year perspective, there is no way this is a fair result. However, if we look beyond the temporary and to the eternal, everything changes.
What happens to the mother whose life was stolen? When we stand before God, what happens to the father who served God on earth at the cost of everything we as people hold dear? Will he ache at the loss of what he missed on earth? Quite the opposite! To give up what is destined to pass away in order to gain what is eternal is not a sacrifice, but an investment in eternity. Not one person will grieve in heaven for what he or she sacrificed on earth. On the other hand, many people will grieve over what they forfeited in heaven for a few days on earth. Consider Joel 2:25-26
25 “So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, The crawling locust, The consuming locust, And the chewing locust, My great army which I sent among you.
26 You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, And praise the name of the LORD your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; And My people shall never be put to shame.
This is a promise to Israel, but the principle applies to us all. When God’s promise becomes reality, will we mourn over what was consumed by the locusts of the earth? No. We will rejoice over God’s restoration, and we’ll see what the New Testament states, “No eye has seen nor ear heard what God has in store for those who love Him.” Or as the Apostle Paul stated, “The sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
What lies ahead is not worthy to even be compared to this life; therefore, what we lose is nothing. It’s not even worth considering. But we have to have an eternal perspective to see this truth. We can’t see this unless our lives are looking through the lens of eternity instead of through the eyes of this temporary life.
What problems are you enduring? What wrongs have been done to you? What sacrifices are you forced to endure – or are being called to make?
We get angry and bitter at people and God, and this is because we are looking at life through the trust we have in the flesh. We can’t see the good of God’s will because we focus on the temporal good our flesh demands. I say good in the fleshly sense, but in truth, God is the only provider of good. We think pleasure is good, wealth is good, relationships are good, etc. While these things have their place, they are a poor substitute for the good of eternity.
When we have to endure hardships, if our trust is in the flesh (the things which make us happy in this life) we cannot see when true good comes. Jesus said, “He who loves his life will lose it, but he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” To hate our life in this world doesn’t mean we despise life or ourselves. It means we don’t consider our life in this world worthy to be compared to what lies ahead. It’s to be willing to endure difficulties, persecutions, problems, and loss in light of God’s perfect will and the kingdom we will inherit.
It’s the Lord who promised that all things work for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes.
Do I truly believe this? If so, I’ll put my trust in God’s purposes and the good behind it rather than in people, things, and circumstances. This promise is to those who are walking according to God’s purposes; therefore, we must seek to know God and look for His will over our own. This is a lifelong process and is something we have to daily seek.
Today’s victory won’t be tomorrow’s triumph. Each day is a new willful choice to surrender and walk in God’s purposes. Each situation we face is a choice to seek God’s will, or focus on the desires and preservation of our flesh.
To seek our own pleasure makes happiness and joy dependent upon what we can gain. We would then be required to control our circumstances in order to find joy. Since it’s impossible to control every circumstance, joy will always be just out of reach.
When we seek God’s will, He becomes our reward and our satisfaction. Only then do we have the promise, “You prepared a table before me in the presence of my enemies,” and, “You give me to drink from the river of Your pleasures.” The Bible says when God blesses, He adds no sorrow with it.[3] God’s pleasure never includes regret or consequences. However, the true promise is what lies at the end of this journey.
The blessed confidence is in those who say, “Not my will, but Yours.” Anything outside of God’s will leads us to the parched places in the wilderness. Do not allow people to be your source for happiness. Enjoy relationships through God, not outside of Him. Then love others without conditions. Let’s conclude this chapter with Proverbs 11:24
There is one who scatters, yet increases more; And there is one who withholds more than is right, But it leads to poverty.
How true this proverb is in relationships. The person who seeks love often lacks it. Emotionally needy people are takers, yet they are never fulfilled. They often fall into emotional poverty. The person who takes the love God has poured out into their hearts (see Romans 5:5) and scatters it into the lives of those around them, will increase with more than they have given.
Love is the thing which grows more abundantly as it is given away. But it becomes scarce as we take it from others. Love isn’t a treasure protected within the heart, but a fountain which must flow outward. Love is something given to us by God’s grace. Just as He expresses love toward us while we are at odds with Him[4], we also must give His love to others – both to those who deserve it and those who do not. Hoarded love stagnates into self-centeredness, but love given away returns in abundance.
In this assurance from God we find our blessed confidence.
Life Applications
- Memorize 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
- Evaluate how you define love against the passage above.
- Consider the ways you have withheld love in your relationships. What happens when love is conditional?
- Identify relationships that are lacking in love as God has defined it. Plan ways to show love without requiring anything in return.
- Pray for the power to give with no other motivation than to express faith in God’s commands and promises.
- Review Life Applications from previous chapters.
[1] John 2:22-25
[2] The Devil in Pew Number Seven
[3] Proverbs 10:22
[4] Romans 5:8-10